Sunday, December 28, 2008
Madelyn and her cousin Layne from Colorado. Those girls love each other!
Jared, Holly, Madelyn, Carson, Skyler, and a happy Rylie at the temple.
All the kids in their wedding attire.
The bride and groom and newly Mr. and Mrs. Nathan Bennett.
Madelyn dancing with her new uncle, Nathan.
Here are pictures of Christmas at my mom's house in Cali. The kids had a blast and Santa even found us there.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
for about 6 years, but was always uptight and "organized" as a kid. Lately I feel like it's eating me alive! I can't distinguish where Holly starts and OCD ends. I'm on high doses of medication for it (update: the meds WERE what caused me to gain weight. People gain a lot of weight on doses that were only 1/10 of what i was taking. Recently my doctor switched my meds, so fingers crossed that it works. This weight drama has been so long that it seems impossible that i will ever lose it again. still dieting and exercising though...) Anyways...I kind of had a break down last night and definitely feel like I'm suffocating. The older I get and busier life gets, my OCD gets worse. The meds definitely help take the edge off of my anxiety, but lately i feel alone and a little crazy. My mind is tired, my heart is tired, and my body is tired. And I'm only 30!!! I just don't know how else to be. OCD is a huge part of who I am: my decorations are up perfectly, my house is constantly spotless, my kids are well behaved and never dirty, laundry and bath schedules are never derailed, and I always have at least 3 lists that I am a slave to constantly. Exhausted yet?! If i don't live this way I am depressed and feel useless and worthless. It effects everything! I don't have friends...What I mean by that is life passes me by.
I don't hang out or do anything fun. It just takes my productive time away (after this post i realize that i sound like a downer anyways...not high on the list of friend must-haves). Sleep is almost non-existent, maybe 5 hours on a good night. I'm a grouchy ,on edge mom that lives with the guilt of stealing fun and spontaneous moments away from my kids. Luckily Jared is a saint (mostly) and we have a happy marriage, but i know the crazier i get the harder it is on him. I just know that some day when I'm gone all my anal diligence won't matter, but will amount to a huge amount of wasted time...at my funeral: "Wow our mom was the best! Never were our fingernails left long and jagged. She had it all together!"...Not happening...It even effects my church attendance because I go non-stop for 6 days without much sleep and then by Sunday my body is maxed out and i get sick. Basically I'm a hot mess :). I know i need to lean on the lord more, but beyond that, I'm really stuck. Then i feel bad burdening all my peeps out there with many of these intense blogs, but that's how i roll. The negative and incessant worrying comes withe territory of OCD. Sometimes i think i just need to get rich like Madonna so i can pay people to worry and focus solely on enjoying my life and family. One can dream!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
We decided to extend out trip and spend a day at Disneyland with the three older kids. We had a ton of fun, but missed Rylie. (Grandma watched her.)
Here are some pix to enjoy. I will try to be better at updating.
This is the kids decorating the Christmas tree for Family Home Evening, a family favorite!
Saturday, October 25, 2008
For people who are concerned about conservative political values, go out and vote for John McCain and Sarah Palin on November 4th.
If you have any doubts about choosing who to vote for, this video will convince you.
Monday, September 29, 2008
I will only do a plan that I can see myself doing ten years down the line ( Weight Watchers is what I love!). I just don't know why it's not working. I know people look at me and probably think I pig out, and I just don't. I can't even bring myself to go Cali to visit for Halloween because of this. I feel like who I am and what people perceive "Holly" to be isn't who I am right now. I feel like a failure and out of control of my body. I am working with a couple doctors and trying to figure this out. But they even have conflicting opinions on what is going on. I feel lost
and embarrassed and don't know what to do! And on top of that one doctor thinks I have a heart murmur. How that even matters or factors in...I have no clue.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
These 2 pictures are of Rylie being silly. It was 10:00p.m. and all the other kids were in bed. She wouldn't go down, but we had some fun one on one time. Here she took all my bed pillows and hid in them. Then she would pop out and say "cheese" to the camera. What a ham!!!
Madelyn and Carson near a climbing tunnel.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Daddy helping Rylie play Basketball.
Rylie approaching the basket....
While I was looking in a costume box, Rylie found this and refused to take it off. She loves to dress up.
Skyler bowling at a Birthday party.
Madelyn at the party.
Carson showing Skyler how it's done!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Skyler is a kid who still needs a nap, but mommy would rather him go to bed early. So needless to say, he ends up falling asleep at the weirdest times and in the weirdest places. Here he was eating lunch and got really quiet. We looked at him, and for five minutes he ate grapes with his eyes closed. Finally he gave it up and crashed on the kitchen table. Maybe he will be like his grandpa, who is famous for falling asleep mid-sentence! Narcolepsy, anyone?
Saturday, August 16, 2008
This letter will talk about the wonders around you. There will be good wonders and bad wonders. Good wonders are for the ones that get scared. If you get scared camp around the good wonders. Signs of good wonders are, rabbits, daisys, and life everywhere. Bad wonders are for ones who are adventurouos. If you aren't scared of anything camp near the bad wonders. Signs of bad wonders are, bears, venius fly traps, and death everywhere you step. Thats all the info you need to know about the woods. Good luck camping!
(Paper torn at the bottom and is noted as a "bear claw tear")