For a while I have been struggling and depressed and even debated not posting this, but I figure any input or perspective can only help. In the past 6 months I've gained 20 pounds and I'm sick about it. I exercise and eat healthy for the most part and don't really know what's going on with my body. I am only a few pounds lighter than what I am when I deliver a baby! I did turn 30 this year, but c'mon, I didn't go through menopause or anything. I refuse to try any of my jeans on and rarely get out of jammies or sweats. I'm miserable, ashamed, and want to hide under a rock. I exercise 4-5 days a week and eat healthy. I truly feel like my body is betraying me and that I'm not myself. I don't ever expect to be a size 2 and feel like I have reasonable and modest goals. I refuse to do any extreme dieting, and approach diet and exercise in a very healthy way.
I will only do a plan that I can see myself doing ten years down the line ( Weight Watchers is what I love!). I just don't know why it's not working. I know people look at me and probably think I pig out, and I just don't. I can't even bring myself to go Cali to visit for Halloween because of this. I feel like who I am and what people perceive "Holly" to be isn't who I am right now. I feel like a failure and out of control of my body. I am working with a couple doctors and trying to figure this out. But they even have conflicting opinions on what is going on. I feel lost
and embarrassed and don't know what to do! And on top of that one doctor thinks I have a heart murmur. How that even matters or factors in...I have no clue.
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13 years ago
12 comments:
Oh Holly--my heart goes out to you! I've wondered why you hadn't posted in a while, and I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles. I am fat right now, but it is at least my own fault for not doing the things I should. I hope your doctors can help you. But don't let that stop you from getting out and seeing people! We love you for you, not for what you look like. Your family and friends will still love you.
That is soooo frustrating. Honestly, I totally get not wanting to go anywhere (because I am super sensitive about my weight...well at least in the past I have been). After Sydney, I had gained a bit and I never wanted to wear anything but my sweats and I absolutely didn't want to go be fun! It sounds like you really are doing all the right stuff. From everything I remember, diet is the biggest way to lose weight. Actually, exersice is only about 20-30% part of what helps. But hopefully your doctors will be able to figure out something more concrete. Don't worry...you're still a hot mama :) Call me though it you ever need a break!
I hope they get this heart murmur thing figured out. As long as you get a good cardiologist, they should be able to determine if you need anything for it. Let's pray you don't. As far as loosing weight, you'll get there!!! you are sooooo determined. I hate having an extra ten pounds on me. I feel so unpretty and hate that my clothes don't fit. I hate pictures right now too! Don't be sad! You are still the funny Holly I love :)
I totaly understand how you feel. Right now I have a rash on my face and I have been depressed about it for the past two weeks. For a while I stayed indoors because I felt like I was so ugly that people were just going to stare or think that I'm gross looking. It didn't even matter that my boys tried telling that I still look beautiful nothing helped. I still have that rash but I'm slowly going to the bank and stores when I have to. Have you checked out to see if you have a thyroid condition?
I know how it feels when I feel fat or ugly but know that your family and your true friends will see past your imperfections and love you for you. Hope you feel better soon!
Holly, you honestly look great! Even in that picture of you holding Rylie by the aquarium, you don't look overweight at all. It's not about the number on the scale. I know this is WAY easier said than done, so I hesitate to say it, but try not to focus on it. I tend to lose weight when I am just living my life and not focused on food or exercise at all. I am aware that everyone's body works differently, but I think it might help if you just don't think about it. Get out into the world, be the amazing mother that you are, and come visit us for Halloween. Everyone loves you and misses you! Don't deprive us of your presence. :o)
Man Holly! You must be so frustrated! I echo every other comment--you're the best and it doesn't matter what you look like. And yet we all know where you're coming from. Hopefully the doctors will get it figured out for you and give you some answers. It totally stinks to be working so hard and not getting any results!
Holly - I feel your pain .Seriously I have lived it and I am still living it the only thing that I can say is that thinking about Pres. Hinkleys quote of "Forget Yourself and get to work" helps me.I just think that no matter the size my kids my hubs deserve a fun active person who enjoys life and all it has to offer.I have been mostly fat for 9 years( pregnancy and Haggen Daz will do that to ya) but I try my hardest not to focus on what I look like and try my best to do just what you are doing working out and eating right something must be bizarro in yer' chemistry for you to be missing out on the weight loss.Focus on what you can control. You are a fab Mom and great friend and you have a lot to offer everyone around you no matter what size you are.I didnt go to my 10 year reunion because I didnt feeel confident and what a shame- I'll have to wait 10 more years to see all the morons from high school! If you ever want to talk or anything my number is still the same.Good Luck be Positive cuz' this to shall pass. brooke giffin
Holly, I was so glad to see your message on my blog. I'm sorry you're not feeling too great. I hear ya, sistah! I adjusted my scale to weigh me 5 pounds lighter just so I wouldn't have to see the real weight. Of course it doesn't mean I weigh that much, it just feels better seeing it. Hang in there! Your family pics look great! What beautiful kids you have. And your littlest one is a doll!! On a totally different note--I still have your "Women of Destiny" book. I've told Hillary several times that I'd give it to her to give you, but I haven't. What a loser! I'll be in touch!
Holly, ditto on everything everyone said. You are such a fun and amazing person and such an awesome mom. I think you look great(the picture of you holding Rylie at Makutu's Island). Hopefully your Dr. will be able to help so that you can feel better. We all love you for who you are!!!
Okay Holly- Depression is a struggle that works you like the adversary. No one wants to hear that but it is true and medication helps the struggle but not the pounds. They make a "Happy Mom" but does it fix the problem? These are all struggles I have personally been working on for years. You are a beautiful person and scales honestly suck. So take the power of prayer and positive thinking to heart because that is where you will find your peace. One day at a time. We all love you friend.
Love you, Holly! We're sooo excited to see you.
Holly I'm sorry things are so stinky right now! I'm hoping (since I'm a couple weeks behind) that things are starting to get better and you're getting the answers you deserve. I'm sure there's no quick fix, but everyone before me is so wise...you really are amazing regardless of what you look like. How you feel totally makes sense, but at least you know we all still care about you!
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