On a personal note.....

For a while I have been struggling and depressed and even debated not posting this, but I figure any input or perspective can only help. In the past 6 months I've gained 20 pounds and I'm sick about it. I exercise and eat healthy for the most part and don't really know what's going on with my body. I am only a few pounds lighter than what I am when I deliver a baby! I did turn 30 this year, but c'mon, I didn't go through menopause or anything. I refuse to try any of my jeans on and rarely get out of jammies or sweats. I'm miserable, ashamed, and want to hide under a rock. I exercise 4-5 days a week and eat healthy. I truly feel like my body is betraying me and that I'm not myself. I don't ever expect to be a size 2 and feel like I have reasonable and modest goals. I refuse to do any extreme dieting, and approach diet and exercise in a very healthy way.
I will only do a plan that I can see myself doing ten years down the line ( Weight Watchers is what I love!). I just don't know why it's not working. I know people look at me and probably think I pig out, and I just don't. I can't even bring myself to go Cali to visit for Halloween because of this. I feel like who I am and what people perceive "Holly" to be isn't who I am right now. I feel like a failure and out of control of my body. I am working with a couple doctors and trying to figure this out. But they even have conflicting opinions on what is going on. I feel lost
and embarrassed and don't know what to do! And on top of that one doctor thinks I have a heart murmur. How that even matters or factors in...I have no clue.

A Much Needed Update

I knew when my sister Beth left, my blogging would slow. Jared is in busy season and I'm basically single-momming it lately. My life is an exhausting blur. So here are pics to update everyone :).....

These 2 pictures are of Rylie being silly. It was 10:00p.m. and all the other kids were in bed. She wouldn't go down, but we had some fun one on one time. Here she took all my bed pillows and hid in them. Then she would pop out and say "cheese" to the camera. What a ham!!!

On labor day we went to Makutu's Island and had a blast! It's an indoor playground with slides and climbing stuff. Way Cool! This is Skyler on a slide.

Madelyn and Carson near a tree slide.

Rylie climbing.

Mommy and Rylie by an aquarium.

Madelyn and Carson near a climbing tunnel.